Everyone agrees that setting goals is essential in negotiation, because they act as a compass during discussions, and we know where we are in relation to the goal and whether we are going in the right direction. But there is one well-kept secret that makes all the difference.
This secret lies in identifying your deepest interests. In fact your stake, your need, your “why” you want to negotiate.
To identify this basic need, we teach negotiators to ask themselves the question “why” 3 times until they find a need that speaks to them: the need for luxury, respect, security, order, attention, novelty, belonging, achievement, etc.
For example, I helped an airline manager negotiate a vacation with her family. His goal was clear and well defined: to spend 10 days with the whole family, watch polar bears in Finland, visit fjords and swim in three-degree waters. But was he attached to a why, his basic need?
I asked him the question “why”.
Why did you choose this holiday with your family?
She replied, “Because it’s been a long time since we’ve spent time together.”
“Well, why the polar bears? The fjords.”
She replied, “I just need to spend some quality time with my family.”
Why then Finland?
And she said, “Basically, it could be anywhere else. It could be Kenya, or Nepal for example.”
And at that exact moment, she realized that what she wanted to trade was not these specific activities well defined in their objective, but rather their core interests. And it was that concern, that need, to be able to spend quality time with her family. So the whole negotiation changed, because there were too many possibilities to satisfy his need.
Once you login you need. Three things happen. First, you determine that you are non-negotiable, because most of the time your need is non-negotiable.
The second point is that you feel stronger. And it will show, because you will have identified the underlying principle for which you are trading.
Finally, you open up the field of the possible. Because unlike a job, there are several ways to meet your needs.
This is the fundamental difference between attitude and interest, between path and destination.
